The Ninja of Ninja Movies

First things first: is anyone else as stoked about Ninja Assassin as I am? Probably not... I'm counting down the days until this movie comes out. The reality of this situation is that I'm willing to skip work, skip school, and even skip the best dinner of the year (Thanksgiving--complete with my grandmother's homemade mashed potatoes and stuffing) to be the first one in line to see this movie.

Sweet Mother of God...O_O

The movie stars Rain, a South Korean born actor and model, as Raizo, an orphan taken off the street and raised to be one of the deadliest assassin's in the world by the mythological Ozunu clan. Things turn ugly when the clan betrays Raizo, forcing him to flee and therefore giving us a reason to watch the movie. Anyways, can anyone think of a movie involving ninjas that has been more unbelievable? I'm talking 'go-down-in-history' epic. If this movie doesn't make you shit your pants from just the thought of mindbogglingly amazing this is going to be, then your a lost cause and I suggest you throw yourself off a cliff.

Just the stunt alone take your breath away. If anyone knows what Parkour is, then you know what kind of stunts such a sport entails. I'm sure you've all see this video:

Ooh...Fancy!

It's probably one of the more amusing, and more well-known. But aside from the fact that jumping and being able to climb up buildings with your fingers really has nothing to do with being a ninja, it's pretty impressive. There are plenty of 'How To' books if you know where to look in the book store. Some spoof and some, with a very twisted sense of humor, try to take the matter seriously. But that's nothing compared so some of the things I've lined up for.

In honor of it its upcoming history-making debut, why don't we all take a look back on the history of some of the more prominent Hollywood ninjas to make the grade (pass and fail)

The Octagon (1980)

This is probably one of the first movies that brought ninjas to the American public. In fact, this pretty much gave way to the ninja obsession of the 80's that has revived in out modern era. Chuck Norris, as we all know, has become a paragon of satire and martial arts since his days as Walker Texas Ranger. This movie, his biggest box-office money maker, is a prime example of the kind of skill and strength someone can obtain. Most noticeable are the lack of camera edits, making the action more believable. It gets cheesy at some parts, and kind of slow, but if you haven't seen this, then I pity you. Seriously.

Enter The Ninja (1981)

This is another movie that brought the art of the Ninja to the American audiences and proceeded to rocket it to heights of awesomeness. With the typical plot of an American soldier heading to the orient to learn the ways of the warrior, only to find himself at odds with is training rival and villain of the land. This has some pretty amazing stunts and great choreography, especially for its time.

American Ninja (1985)

Don't let the cheesy cover fool you; for being as old as it is, this movie holds its own. Joe Armstrong finds himself caught in the middle of a crooked trade between the army and a group of ninjas. Typical hijinks ensue and in wonderful 80's fashion, Armstrong catches the eye of one very lusty Colonel's daughter. This movie had a great amount action that can satisfy any martial arts fan. This might just turn into your next guilty pleasure movie :P

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Considering the concept for this hit comic and t.v. show was based of a parody of some of Marvel's biggest seller's at the time, you gotta give the creator credit for doing something right. The comic and show alone register in young men's memories as some of the best Saturday morning's spent in front of the television, not to mention the greatness of the Turtle Pop with gummy eyes from the neighborhood Candy Man. Even with the amount of ridiculousness this movie portrays, it's the memories that make it great.

3 Ninjas (1992)

Ah, yes. Who can forget the story of three unlikely young boys visiting their Japanese grandfather and taking out a crime the size of China that even the FBI can't handle. This was a real blockbuster for its time, wasn't it? Maybe it was just under-appreciated, like so many of its fellow 90's movies... Of course, considering it had sequels equally as bank-breaking, its not wonder this isn't the first thing that comes to mind when one things of a "Ninja."

Beverly Hills Ninja (1997)

This is pretty much self-explanatory. With Robin Shou the prodigal martial arts student and anti-hero, this movie was, at the time, side-splitting and to many, still is. This is a classic case of parody, and done right. Modern movies could take a few notes. May you rest in peace, Christ Farley, but damn, this shit was funny.

Kill Bill (2003-4)

Even though technically this isn't much of a ninja movie, there is plenty of sword fighting and ass-kicking to bring it into this list. Look at GoGo Yubari; she was pretty ninja. Aside from a brief animated short in the beginning showing the gruesome history of

 Sin City (2005)

With the decline of Ninja-awesomeness and the impending Vampire & Zombie epidemic, the character of Miho struggles in a world soon-to-be thirsting for glittering bloodsuckers and Zombie-free theme parks. Still, she had a pretty cool part when it came to. Devon Aoki wouldn't be my best choice for a ninja, but she's half Japanese, so she kind of snagged a lucky break considering there really aren't many Japanese-American actresses on the scene that speak as good of Engrish as Aoki does :P It's the special effects that count.... 9_9



That's pretty much it for Hollywood. Anything else I didn't mention was usually so terrible I just wanted to shove my head into a meat-grinder or pray to God I had a stroke at that very moment. Of course, if you really want to Ninja-fy your brain, visit the Ninja Movie Database. It's a simple website, with simple lists, but they tell you everything you need to know about the best [foreign] ninja movies to get you geared up for Ninja Assassin.

And if you have no clue what I'm talking about:? Well, then, blow your mind:

All this...AND Turkey dinner?? Best. Thanksgiving. Ever!