Men, this COULD be you.

Aside from the fact that this post has absolutely nothing to do with comics, I still feel the need to make it. The amount of ridiculousness compounded with the utter hilarity of the matter just makes my phlegm-filled, lung-hacking, fever-inducing-then-breaking weekend.

Taken from Cracked.com, Bernie Baker (not be confused with the Surf Photographer of the same name) went down in the Guinness Book of World Records as the oldest male stripper.

Ladies & Gentlemen, feast your eyes upon this delectable hunk of man-meat.

"Bernie Barker was technically the owner of two different records. Not only was he the oldest working professional male stripper, he was also entitled to 50% of the World's Oldest Onstage Teabagging. The partner in that record could not be reached for comment, as we're guessing she was coincidentally stricken with an unshakable catatonia immediately following the event.

Bernie was a regular performer at Club LeBare in Miami Beach, Florida from the year 2000 to 2007. He began his career at the age of 60. He described it as a way to get in shape after recovering from prostate cancer. We'd imagine his previous job was less supportive of the "therapeutic dryhumping" he had to perform throughout the day. Barker apparently decided that if old age was going to take away his dignity, by God it was going to go down with guns blazing.

"I'm Superman, baby."

Guiness says he won "over 30 contests" before he passed away in 

March 2007. We're not sure what kind of contests these were, and we don't want to find out."

Thank you, Ian Cheesman, for forever branding my cornea's with this nightmare. I will forever be in your debt.

-TCBC